Navigating Holiday Stress: A Trauma Informed Guide for a Challenging Season
The holidays can be one of the most challenging parts of the year. As therapists, we often see people seeking more support when fall and winter roll around. Families feel overwhelmed by responsibilities and finances are tighter. While the holiday season also brings a reminder of what is present, what we try to avoid, or what we deeply miss.
According to the American Psychological Association (2023), nine in ten adults report feeling stressed during the holiday season for a variety of reasons including family dynamics, financial strain, and pressure to meet expectations.
At Where The Irises Grow Therapy, we understand how challenging it can be. We created this guide with the hope that even one idea helps you feel a little more grounded and supported.
Explore and Plan
When you imagine the holidays, what begins to feel overwhelming? Is it whether people will respect your traditions or cultural beliefs? Being around certain family members? The presence of alcohol or certain foods? Finances? The sensory load of a crowded environment? Whatever comes up for you is valid. Recognizing it is the first step toward supporting yourself.
With a trauma informed lens, I welcome everyone to consider their values and sense of safety. When you understand what matters to you, what safety is for you, then you will also find what triggers the stress, and you are better able to plan ahead.
Ask yourself:
When do you feel supported?
When do you feel drained?
What do you notice in your body throughout these experiences and in what ways can you offer it support and compassion?
Exploring and planning is not with intent to control every moment. It is about preparing our body and mind so that we can show up for ourselves with more ease.
Boundaries that Support the Nervous System
Boundaries help us foster a sense of safety, a kind relationship with ourselves, and is critical to holiday survival. People often say set boundaries but rarely talk about how hard it can be or where to start. In addition, it can be especially challenging for those with histories of trauma.
So, let’s try to simplify it. I like to think of boundaries in two categories:
Internal boundaries These relate to your inner voice and how you speak to yourself. They include managing your expectations and shifting from self blame to self compassion.
External boundaries These involve your environment, your time, and your relationships. They include deciding who you interact with, how long you stay, and what situations you avoid.
Once you know what overwhelms you, you can identify which type of boundary will help the most.
Examples of these boundaries:
Checking in with a trusted friend before or after an event for emotional support
Limiting self criticism
Prioritizing certain friends/family for visits, gifts, check ins, etc.
Keeping a nonalcoholic drink in hand to avoid temptation or pressure
Arriving early and leaving before the environment becomes too stimulating
Taking intentional sensory/grounding breaks such as stepping outside, sitting in a quiet room, or focusing on your breath
Boundaries are steps to protect and respect ourselves and can be huge milestones in our healing journey.
Trauma informed work acknowledges that practicing boundaries ahead of time can make them easier to use. It may feel silly, but try role playing in the mirror or practicing with a friend. The more your body rehearses a boundary, the safer it will feel putting it into action and the more confident you’ll be.
Honor Your Nervous System
I encourage folks to think of our experiences, the visceral reactions, as our body trying to protect us. If the holiday season activates you, it doesn’t mean you are failing. It means your nervous system is responding in the way it thinks it’s supposed to.
Be curious and gentle with yourself whenever you have a reaction. Ask yourself what your body needs to feel supported, safe, and connected? Give yourself permission to take breaks and to mess up.
If something doesn’t go as planned, remember that every moment offers you a chance to start again. Holidays are challenging and the intensity can multiply quickly. Compassion is important. You deserve it.
Seeking More Help
If this season feels heavier than expected, please know you don’t have to move through it alone. Where The Irises Grow Therapy is currently accepting new clients. We are local to the Pittsburgh area but able to accept clients all throughout Pennsylvania with secure telehealth arrangements. If you feel ready to explore, I would be honored to walk alongside you in your healing journey and offer a free consult to discuss what this could look like.
References
American Psychological Association. Holiday season stress. 2023. www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2023/11/holiday-season-stress
American Psychiatric Association. Americans more anxious about the holidays. www.psychiatry.org/News-room/News-Releases/Americans-More-Anxious-About-the-Holidays